


Dear Diary

by wyntirrose



Series: Speedwriting Ficlets [11]
Category: Transformers Generation One
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-10 08:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1157232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyntirrose/pseuds/wyntirrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Optimus tries to keep a journal at Smokescreen's suggestion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Diary

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Speedwriting Prompt: Epistolary - write a letter or exchange of letters (or emails or diaries or text messages or whatever) to tell your story.

My dearest, Ariel,

I will admit that when this idea was first proposed by Smokescreen I was loathe to follow his advise. The very idea of writing out my thoughts seems like a huge security risk. I can only imagine what would happen if the Decepticons got their hands on this record. The very idea chills me to the core. However, I promised Smokescreen that I would at least consider the idea rather than dismissing it outright and I did. That night I made a mental list of the pros and cons of the idea, and, honestly, the cons far outweighed the pros.

**PRO** : Smokescreen is right that I need to relieve myself of some of this burden of leadership and keeping a journal may be a good way to do that. If nothing else it will allow me to further think on ideas and act as my own devil's advocate as I writ down my problems.

**CON** : I do not dare write anything too revealing for fear of the Decepticons getting access to the files. After all, as much as Ironhide and Red Alert try, we are constantly chasing both Ravage and Laserbeak from the base and it is only a matter of time before they run off with something truly important. Or worse, damning.

**CON** : If the crew were to ever see this ... I do not dare write anything specific about the crew because there is always the risk that someone will find and access these filew, no matter how securely I encrypt them. I particularly worry about Smokescreen, Jazz, Sideswipe, and Bumblebee. Yes, I know that our little Bee doesn't seem the type to hack Autobot files, but looks, as they say, are deceiving, especially with that little mech.

**CON** : If I start writing out my thoughts I may not be able to stop and soon I will be recording everything here with no self-filter at all. ... though, perhaps this very fear makes this point a PRO. Smokescreen has pointed out that my problem is that I do no actually talk to anyone and that I am not even being truthful to myself. Of course, the mech is not a real psychologist and his credentials are forged, but I do trust him and his advice, even though he is the last mech in the galaxy that I should.

So three CONs to one PRO. ... 2.3 to 1.5 might be more accurate. Either way, there is no reason to keep this and every reason not to, and yet, I keep on writing to you. Or, to the facsimile of you that I have created, Ariel. I know that I can contact Elita-One on a secure and tight beam but there is only so much that we can say to each other. It would be easier to talk in person but that isn't likely to happen any time soon, and so I finally convinced myself that this was a good idea. Maybe I can use these journal entries as a reminder of what to discuss with Elita when we next meet. Also, when I write these words, if I let my mind wander I can almost imagine that I'm still Orion and that I am actually talking to Ariel.

I miss you so much, Ariel. Just as I miss Orion. Things were just so much easier back then. There was no matrix to bear, no troops looking to me for guidance. Smokescreen once implied that there was an almost messianic cult surrounding me and the Matrix. Actually, no. It wasn't implied, it was outrightly stated. I argued the point with him. I'm ashamed to say that I actually found myself getting angry, but the fact is, there are those who do look up to me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. I may carry the matrix, and I may have a Prime's form, but inside I am still Orion Pax and Orion was never comfortable with these kinds of accolades.

Sometimes I think that it would have been so much easier if Alpha Trion had not rebuilt us. We could be together in the Matrix, Ariel. I would not be on Earth and you would not be trapped on the desiccated husk of our home world fighting an increasingly loosing battle. I fear for the day when I try to contact you and am informed that you have fallen in battle or been captured. I fear that one day you will receive the same message about me. I know that I could easily blame Megatron for all of this. After all, had he not revolted then we would be back working on the docks. But logically I know that Megatron and the Decepticons are only one small part of the problem. Okay, so they're a large part of the problem, but they did not start it. That blame, I know now, can be placed squarely on the shoulders of my predecessors and on the Council and on our own people's complacency. ... This is something that I could never say out loud. Not even to you, my dearest Ariel. We are all to blame for the fall of Cybertron and our present predicament and all we can do now is pick up the pieces and try to repair the damage. Though I doubt it can ever truly be repaired.

And now I'm rambling. I'm not sure that this was the point of the exercise. Yes, Smokescreen wanted me to write down whatever thoughts I had, however I had them, but I think he wanted this to be more clear. Less rambling and random. I think that I need to redo this completely and start from scratch. Do a proper job of it next time.

\---

_  
_

\---

**Record of Activities**

**Day 1 _(2014.01.22.12.42)_**  
\- Meetings held with senior staff: results on record.  
\- Meeting held with staff psychologist: suggestion made to keep a journal; first entry created.  
\- Battle with Decepticons: all reports on record listed as Battle of Ulduvai Gorge; unclear as to what the enemy was attempting  
\- Minor injuries repaired by CMO Ratchet  
\- Meeting scheduled to discuss previous battle with senior staff; must find out what the Decepticons were after  
 __


End file.
